


I Can't Lose You

by emdaro



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Illness, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 18:11:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12086553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emdaro/pseuds/emdaro
Summary: “Just relax. You’s gonna be fine.” He couldn’t quite get rid of the ball of anxiety that had collected in his stomach that morning when Jack said he wasn’t feeling well.Jack nodded, his eyes slipping shut. “Best I’ve felt all day.” He mumbled, relaxing back against the bed. “Thanks, Crutch.”Crutchie blushed slightly, bringing the cloth up again to wipe Jack’s skin again. “Sleep. You’ll be good as new tomorrow.”





	I Can't Lose You

Jack didn’t get sick. He was always the one taking care of everyone, making sure that if someone was sick they got what they needed and had enough money to stay in the lodging house if they couldn’t sell. He was so strong, seemingly invincible. Until he suddenly wasn’t.

It happened so quickly. One day, Jack was fine. He was laughing and cracking jokes with the rest of them, completely normal. The next day, he wasn’t able to get out of bed. He insisted he was alright, it was just a little bug. He would stay back one day and be back to normal soon enough. Crutchie wanted to stay with him, he really did, but Jack insisted he go ahead. He hurried back as soon as he was done selling, taking up residence by Jack’s bed.

“Crutch, I’m fine.” Jack insisted as Crutchie wiped his forehead gently with a cool towel. His skin was feverish, damp with sweat. “You don’t gotta fuss over me.”

Crutchie shook his head. “I ain’t fussin’. I’m takin’ care of you.” He brushed Jack’s hair out of his eyes and ran his fingers through it gently, smiling slightly when Jack leaned into the touch. “Just relax. You’s gonna be fine.” He couldn’t quite get rid of the ball of anxiety that had collected in his stomach that morning when Jack said he wasn’t feeling well.

Jack nodded, his eyes slipping shut. “Best I’ve felt all day.” He mumbled, relaxing back against the bed. “Thanks, Crutch.”

Crutchie blushed slightly, bringing the cloth up again to wipe Jack’s skin again. “Sleep. You’ll be good as new tomorrow.”

When Crutchie woke up, he groaned at the stiffness in his body. He glanced around. He had fallen asleep sitting up, his front half draped over Jack’s bed. He felt a dampness and looked at the bedding. It was drenched in sweat, as was Jack’s entire body. The blanket was twisted around Jack’s figure, his face contorted in discomfort. Crutchie slowly sat up, the slight movement made Jack groan and shift around. Race wandered over, his eyes widening slightly when he saw Jack’s condition.

“Crutch, you better stay back today too.” Race stood next to Crutchie, his face concerned. “I can cover yous for tonight and the other fellas can help cover Jack.”

Crutchie normally would have said no, he was capable of taking care of himself. But he was not going to leave Jack’s side. “Yeah, thanks Race. Can one of you get Katherine? She might be able to help.”

Race nodded and squeezed Crutchie’s shoulder, then filed out of the room. Crutchie went and got some water for Jack, wetting the cloth again. He wasn’t experienced with taking care of sick people, he was usually the one sick. He sat beside Jack and pulled the blanket off of him, draping it over one of the other beds to try and air it out. It was another hour before Jack woke up. His eyes slid open and he whined slightly, curling his fingers around Crutchie’s wrist.

Crutchie used his free hand to grab the cup of water. He pressed it to Jack’s lips and helped him drink, a little of the liquid spilling down Jack’s chin. He set the cup down and felt Jack squeeze his wrist. “Jackie, how’re you feelin’?”

Jack tried to sit up, falling back down onto the mattress after a few seconds. “Never…better…” He mumbled, attempting to rise again.

Crutchie placed his hands on Jack’s shoulders, gently pressing him down. “Hey, none of that.” He worked to keep his voice even. “You’ve gotta rest, alright? Are you hungry?”

Jack shook his head quickly, grabbing his stomach. His face tightened. “Crutch…” He leaned over and vomited, most of it getting on himself. Crutchie winced. He stroked Jack’s hair as his friend heaved, gasping and choking. Jack leaned back once he was done, his expression ashamed. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Crutchie got to his feet. “Don’t worry. Come on, you need to take a bath. It’ll do ya good.” He helped Jack to his feet, supporting most of his friend’s weight. They stood there for a few seconds, Crutchie wondering how they would make it to the washroom with his leg and Jack unable to support himself. It took them a while, but they eventually made it. Crutchie ran the bath, making sure the water was lukewarm. He helped Jack undress, tossing his soiled clothes to the side. He gently lowered Jack into the tub, trying to keep from looking at Jack’s more…intimate areas. He left the room once Jack was in, working on cleaning up the vomit on Jack’s bed. Once he was done he went back to the washroom, sitting beside Jack.

Jack smiled slightly at Crutchie, appearing a little bit more relaxed. “Thanks, Crutch.” His voice was hoarse, but stronger than when he woke up. He took Crutchie’s hand, squeezing it gently.

Crutchie smiled and squeezed back. “Don’t mention it. How’re you feelin’? Is the bath good?”

Jack shrugged slightly. “A little better. The bath is nice, it’d be better if you joined me.” He winked at Crutchie and laughed, then winced. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the tub.

Crutchie rolled his eyes fondly, trying to contain his blush. Jack was always saying things like that, to everyone. It was no big deal. He rubbed Jack’s arm gently. “Maybe when you’re better.” He joked back.

Jack opened his eyes, a soft smile on his face. “I’ll take you up on that.”

Crutchie shook his head. “Don’t you think about that, focus on gettin’ better.”

Jack nodded, closing his eyes again. “Yes sir.”

They were silent for a while, Crutchie was almost certain Jack had fallen asleep. Crutchie let his concern show then, his brow furrowing as he stared at Jack. The ball of worry in his stomach had grown exponentially. Jack was worse, much worse than the day before. Crutchie didn’t know what to do. He needed to talk to Katherine, she had gotten a doctor for Albert when he was sick. Maybe she could get the same one to look at Jack. They had to do something. There had been boys who had gotten sick in the lodging house, some of them had even-

“Your face is goin’ to get stuck like that.”

Jack’s voice broke through Crutchie’s thoughts. He blinked and looked down, trying to arrange his features into a neutral expression. “What’re you talkin’ about?”

Jack sighed. “Crutchie, I’m gonna be fine. I promise. Would I let you down?”

Crutchie bit his lip. “Jack…”

“No, stop it.” Jack took his hand again. “I know what you’s thinkin’. I’m gonna be fine.”

Crutchie took a deep breath and nodded. He stood and grabbed a towel for Jack, helping him out of the tub. He averted his eyes again as Jack dried off, then helped him back to bed. “You should just stay undressed. I think it’s better, with the fever and all.” He draped the blanket over Jack.

Jack nodded. The journey from the bathroom seemed to have tired him out. “Think you just wanna keep me naked.” He mumbled, already drifting off to sleep.

Crutchie sighed. Jack slept for a remainder of the day. Katherine stopped by that evening and told Crutchie her doctor would be by the next morning to look at Jack. She gave him a few dollars, which he tried to refuse. She gave him a look, then left without another word. He was slightly relieved though. It was enough money to cover a few days at the lodging house, which meant he could stay with Jack. Jack woke up after Katherine left. He managed to get down a little bread and water before promptly falling back asleep.

Jack’s conditioned had worsened the next morning. He woke up on and off, his eyes glassy. Crutchie tried to get him to eat and drink when he was awake. The doctor showed up around noon. The expression on his face told Crutchie all he needed to know.

“The biggest concern right now is keeping his fever down. Make sure you’re keeping him cool. When he wakes up, he needs to eat and drink. This flu is hitting lots of people around the city right now, this is the third case I’ve seen this week.” The doctor sighed, snapping his briefcase closed. “Just try and keep him comfortable. He’s going to be disoriented when he wakes up, so he shouldn’t be alone. I’ll come back tomorrow to check in on him. Miss Plumber knows how to reach me if his condition worsens.”

“Alright, thanks Doc.” Crutchie slowly sank into the chair next to Jack’s bed, trying to stay calm. He would be okay. It was treatable. He grabbed the cloth from the basin he had set beside Jack’s bed and gently pressed it against his cheek, his hand shaking.

Jack’s eyes slid open, looking around frantically before locking with Crutchie’s. “Charlie?” His voice was barely above a whisper, more innocent than Crutchie had ever heard it.

The use of his real name startled Crutchie. He forced down the lump in his throat and nodded. “I’m here, Jackie.”

Jack let out a quiet whimper, screwing his eyes shut. “Hurts.” He mumbled, curling up on the mattress. “Why does it hurt so much?”

Crutchie let out a shaky breath. “It hurts because you’re real sick Jack. But the doctor was here and he said we just gotta keep your fever down.” He set the cloth aside. “I need you to drink some water, alright?”

Jack shook his head. “Can’t, Charlie.”

Crutchie pressed the cup against Jack’s lips. “Please? For me, Jackie?”

Jack didn’t move for a few seconds, before slowly opening his lips to accept the drink. He managed a few sips before falling back asleep again.

The next morning rolled around, the fourth day of Jack’s illness. Jack didn’t wake up. Crutchie tried everything, but only got a few mumbled words of nonsense. His eyes never opened. The red flush of his cheeks had disappeared, turning to ghostly white.

The doctor’s face was grim as he checked Jack over. “You need to start preparing for the worst.” He told Crutchie quietly. “If he doesn’t wake up tomorrow…I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do.” He placed a hand on Crutchie’s shoulder and squeezed gently, before walking out.

Crutchie practically collapsed, his upper body draped on Jack’s bed. Sobs shook his body. “Jack…Jackie…wake up…” He cried, desperate. “You have to wake up, Jackie. You just have to. I…I can’t lose you.” He whimpered and took Jack’s hand, pressing it to his own cheek. “I’ve got so much I still gotta tell you, Jack, so many things I gotta say. I love you. I’m in love with you, Jack. You’s gotta wake up so I can tell ya.” He stayed like that for hours, tears streaming down his face onto the bed. He fell asleep at one point, waking up when he felt a hand shaking his shoulder.

Race stared down at him, his face blank. “Go get some sleep, Crutch. Real sleep, in a bed. I’ll sit with him.”

Crutchie shook his head. “No, no. I’s fine.” He ran a hand over his face, knowing how swollen it must have looked.

“You need to rest. You ain’t doin’ Jack any good, I think you’s had about six hours of sleep the past couple days.” Race replied.

Crutchie shook his head again, more vigorously. “I can’t leave, Race. What if he…?” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“If anythin’ changes, I’ll get ya. Come on, up.” Race got Crutchie to his feet and gently nudged him towards a bed on the other side of the room. Crutchie laid down on the mattress, certain he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. He was out in minutes.

The next morning, Crutchie felt hands shaking him. He groaned and tried to slap them away, pressing his face into the pillow.

“Crutchie, get the hell up. It’s Jack.” Romeo’s voice broke through the fog of sleep and he sat up, grabbing his crutch and pulling himself to his feet.

“What’s goin’ on? Is he gone?” The panic that gripped Crutchie was debilitating, he could hardly breathe. Jack was dead, gone, he had died without Crutchie by his side.

“No, he’s awake.” Romeo smiled widely, excited to deliver the good news. “Come on!”

Crutchie followed Romeo to the other side of the room, moving as fast as he could. He saw Davey and Race standing at the end of Jack’s bed, the doctor examining Jack. His eyes landed on the only person he really wanted to see. Jack was sitting, his back propped up against some pillows. He was smiling weakly, his eyes more alert than Crutchie had seen them in days. He noticed Crutchie and his smile brightened.

The doctor got to his feet. “You’re quite a fighter, Mr. Kelly. A couple more days of rest and I expect you’ll make a full recovery. Of course, some credit goes to your friend there. He gestured to Crutchie, who was standing next to Davey. “He took good care of you.”

Jack nodded, affection clear on his face as he stared at Crutchie. “Yeah, I know. Thanks, Doc.”

The doctor shook Jack’s hand, then left the room. The other boys quietly walked away, giving Crutchie and Jack their space. Crutchie stood there, silently drinking in Jack’s appearance.  A bit of the color had returned to his cheeks and he wasn’t coated in sweat. His eyes were bright, full of warmth as he looked at Crutchie.

“Well, are you gonna just stand there?” Jack grinned at Crutchie, a soft laugh escaping his lips.

Crutchie slowly sat down on the edge of Jack’s bed, reaching out on instinct to take his hand. He blushed as he realized his mistake. Jack wasn’t sick, he didn’t need the comfort of Crutchie’s hand in his anymore. He tried to retract but Jack held on, interlocking their fingers. “Crutchie…thank you. I didn’t think I was that sick, I’s so sorry I scared ya like that.”

Crutchie was still for a moment, before yanking his hand out of Jack’s grip and throwing his arms around Jack’s neck. He hugged him tightly, careful not to jostle him too much. He felt Jack’s arm lock around his waist. Tears welled in his eyes, he didn’t even try to stop them. “Jack, I-I…”

“Shh.” Jack soothed, pulling Crutchie closer to him. “It’s okay. I ain’t goin’ anywhere, I promise.”

Crutchie pressed his face into Jack’s neck, the true reality of what had happened sinking in. He had almost lost Jack. “I was so scared, Jack. I thought you were going to die, I thought I’d never get to tell you…” He trailed off.

Jack pulled away, holding Crutchie’s shoulders. He brought one hand up and wiped the tears off Crutchie’s cheeks. “Tell me what?”

“Nothing. It ain’t important.” Crutchie looked down, his cheeks turning slightly pink.

Jack tilted his chin up. Crutchie stared into his eyes, biting down on his lip nervously. “Jack…” He brought his hands up and twisted them in the material of Jack’s shirt. Jack pulled Crutchie closer, sliding his hands down to rest on top of Crutchie’s. Crutchie could feel Jack’s heartbeat, strong and steady. It was solid proof that Jack was okay, he was going to be just fine. It was that thought that pushed Crutchie to lean in, pressing their lips together.

Jack was still for a moment, then kissed back firmly. He slipped his arms around Crutchie’s waist, gripping him tightly. They broke apart after a few moments, Jack breathing heavily. He laid back down against the bed. He was still recovering, after all, he needed to rest. He pulled Crutchie with him.

“I could hear, Crutchie. I…I heard ya. All that stuff you said.” Jack whispered. “I love you too. Always have, probably always will.”

Crutchie smiled softly but didn’t reply. He rested his head against Jack’s chest, one ear directly over his heart so he could hear the steady rhythm. There would be days, weeks, in which they could talk, maybe even kiss more. There was no need to rush. Jack wasn’t going anywhere, not anytime soon.

 

 


End file.
